Monday, May 4, 2009

Positive Parenting 101

Our ward put on a seminar last night called Positive Parenting:What the experts know but don't tell you! Well, I decided that this may be beneficial for the health and safety of not only my children but myself so Rick and I went. I was very prepared and took a notebook and pen so I could make some notes. I've been feeling somewhat desperate at times. Like I'm losing control (or have maybe never had it) in my job as a mother.
So I must say at the very beginning of the slide presentation the parenting guru from LDS Family Services had a list of common parenting mistakes. Hah! I sat there thank goodness in the dark so hopefully no one could see the guilt written all over my face. I chuckled a few times because the mistakes were "so me". But I did learn that even though I am guilty as charged in the bad parenting department, I needn't worry. Just start fresh today and don't beat myself up for it. I just hope I haven't passed the "point of no return" where I may have already screwed my kids up so bad there's no hope for them. hahah

Point taken #1
Parenting is about YOU. Not about your children or their behaviour. A sucessful parent is one who has loved, sacrificed, cared for, taught and ministered to the needs of the child(ren). If you have done all the above and your child turns out to be an unsuccessful human and a wreck, then it doesn't mean you are not/have not been a sucessful parent! What a load off! I have always sat here and thought that if your kid turns out crappy then you weren't successful but how wrong I was!

Point taken #2

A few mistakes made that I thought hit too close to home were

being moody and angry, ( BIG check)
trying to control the child's agency, (check)
always being right-they are always wrong and you are always right, (check check)
having too high of expectations (check)

Point taken #3

Discipline is about teaching NOT punishing. Children need to experience natural consequences for their actions and the discipline needs to fit the crime. Logical consequences are to be agreed upon in advance which then enables the consequence to do the teaching. Eg: This morning I came downstairs to a bowl of carmel popcorn that was no more. Who was the culprit? I had my immediate knowledge based upon past experiences who was to blame for the disappearing popcorn and when I approached that child it was vehemently denied. Not just once but over and over again. Well, the truth finally came out which has made the punishment 1/3 as severe as it was gonna be and now as I type he is carrying out his punishment. I would have thought that tabasco sauce may have been a good consequence. That was before last night. Now it is lines
"I'm sorry I lied about eating the carmel popcorn." 100 times. I think its working. We shall see. I know he's certainly not happy about it. But it is known that the next time he is caught in a lie then this is what will happen. It's like if you are speeding down the freeway and get caught you know darn well what will happen.
Well, Bottom line is, I'm glad I went to the seminar. I'm really glad I made carmel popcorn last night. It was AWESOME! Here's my recipe if you want it. Comes from my own mother's recipe box.
Mom's Carmel Popcorn
3/4 c. butter
2/3 c. brown sugar
2/3 c. white sugar
1/2 c. golden syrup
Boil for approx 5 min depending on how thick you want the caramel. I like it fairly thick. Add 1 tsp vanilla after removing from heat. Pour over 1 c. kernels (popped) (large tupperware bowl full) You really need to sift through the bowl of kernels to end up with the nice fluffy popcorn and not seeds that will break your teeth.
Thanks to my mom for her awesome tradition of making this when we were kids and therefore allowing me to make for my own family and lovin every minute of it!


Maughan Crew said...

Looks yummy! and goes great with words of wisdom. Parenting is challenging and rewarding all mixed together to keep us growing in all the right places.

Valerie said...

Thanks for sharing what you learned! Parenting is tough and I need all the help I can get. That caramel popcorn recipe looks great too.